A sincere reader wrote the following asking for advice,
I came back to China and I don’t know what has happened. I try to lower my gaze and I do but I still get to see faces and half naked bodies. I swear that I have never felt such attraction in my life. I cannot understand why.
I am seen as a pious person who has a lot of control on nafs. And that was exactly what I also used to think (may Allah swt forgive my insolence). I often used to joke about that I cannot be attracted to Chinese girls. (May Allah swt forgive me). But now what I suffer from is “yellow fever”. Haram fantasizing is pretty common. Then recently, something really unfortunate has happened I am not porn addict ( May Allah swt preserve me) but somehow from one click to another click I ended up watching some explicit (faahash) videos featuring Asian/Chinese looking models. This went on for 3 days. Infact I even forgot that I was fasting and had to make qadha for that later. (Edited)
The following response was sent. May Allah make it beneficial for me and all others,
As Salamu alaykum wrwb
Please, be reminded that the only way to stop from sinful activities is himmat, firm determination and using self control.
Three things help in developing this himmat.
1. Company of the pious. If that is not possible then reading about their life, malfuzaat etc is of help.
2. Dua. Asking Allah for help. Crying and telling Him one’s bad state and showing extreme humility and begging. Repeatedly.
3. Setting up a penalty for involvement in sinful. Four rakat nafil salah for repentance and skipping a meal altogether and/or making charity contribution (sadaqa).
Following steps will assist further inshaAllah,
Be wise and stop using Internet completely in private. Use it only for essential things and that even in public or when others are around.
Also, stay in state of wudhu all the time.
If you have a Shaykh inform him.
InshaAllah with these measures things will improve.
However if you take it lightly and do not realize then remember that this sinful activity is spiritually fatal.
Muhtaj e dua