Dealing with marital conflicts

Shaikh Mawlana Yusuf Ludhyanawi shaheed (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘A pious man wrote to his Shaikh the complaints about her wife in detail and requested advice on how to deal with this situation.

The Shaikh replied that, how can an individual who can not be patient on the (mental & emotional) afflictions caused by his wife claim to be superior to her?’

Narrating an incident of a friend Shaikh said,

One day I became fed up of this continuous bickering between my wife and myself and approached Shaikh Arif-billah Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi (Allah have mercy on him). I told him that I am tired of this situation. I am short tempered and my wife is more short tempered than me. Patience and forbearance is totally lacking in both of us.  Please, guide what should I do?’

Shaikh Arif-billah used to be very succinct in his replies. He avoided lengthy talks. He listened carefully and recommended,

‘Make the traffic one-way.’

That is, let her speak and you remain quiet.

I did as instructed and the situation became better.’#

‘….. In summary in regards to the eccentricities of their spouses men should have forbearance. They should try to improve (islah) them as much as possible and leave the rest to Allah.’*

Momin aurat, # page 43, * 42