Category Archives: N. Advice

Wedding advice

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal (Allah have mercy on him) instructed his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3, Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odor. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favors. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Source: The Jamiatul Ulama Gauteng

Prescription for success 

In reply to a seeker who lamented about his assumed bad condition, Hakim al Umma Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Allah have mercy on him) replied:
Son! 

معشوق من ست آنکہ بہ نزدیک تو زشت ست

You have despair over your condition while I feel elated. Your condition is a proof of two things which are from the highest objectives (of the path). 

Firstly, recognition of one’s bad condition. 

Secondly, concern to improve one’s condition.

Make four things your habit then I take responsibility that you will not be left deprived:

Firstly, complete your daily dhikr (routine) even if it small in amount, irrespective of finding it interesting.

Secondly, abstain from all sinful involvement with (firm) determination. And repent immediately if you fail (in doing so). 

Thirdly, neither think about past (mistakes) nor future (apprehensions) nor anticipate success (in your spiritual quest) 

Fourthly, keep in regular correspondence (with your spiritual mentor) about your condition, even if there is nothing worth mentioning.

In addition to these, in my opinion (as per ayurdeic medicine) there is affect of  incalescence on your brains. Medical treatment is essential. This has also played a role in this state (Hal). 

After implementing this prescription be carefree. 

من غم تو میخوارم تو غم مخور

برتو من مشفق ترم از صد پدر 

Your considerate well wisher 

Ashraf Ali’

Tarbiyyatus Salik Volume 1, Chapter 5, page 725

Intekhab e Qaiseri

Ostentation or not?

A senior advanced disciple wrote,

1. I was ill and not praying tahajjud. During that period two guests came to stay. They got up for tahajjud.

2. I thought to get up and pray, however another thought came not to do so as it  will be ostentatious. Eventually I didn’t pray. 

3. I thought of letting them know later that there was a reason for not offering tahajjud. 

Hakim al Ummah Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Allah have mercy on him) replied,

‘1.  This was the most appropriate ruling (in those circumstances)

2. This would had been the most appropriate action (i.e. to pray)

3.  This was pure ostentation (riya)

Imperfect individuals (like us) are instructed to act and correct the intention. Otherwise, they will find an excuse of possibility of riya in all matters (and abandon them). ‘

Al Qawl al Jaleel, page 55

Cure for love


An individual wrote, I have fallen in love with a boy. I just want to see him all the time. My condition has deteriorated to a level that can not be verbalized. Please, help me. 

Shaikh Wasiullah Allahabadi (Allah have mercy on him) replied, 

‘The first step to cure of this ailment is to create great physical distance from the beloved (meaning no seeing or any sort of contact with him).  When you do this, inform me and I will instruct you further.’

Wasiyetul Irfan, May 1995

These days people ask for help in similar conditions but they don’t take this very first step. It must be very clear that without this essential thing nothing else will be effective. Shaikh rehmatullah would not even instruct any further without this step. 

Blameworthy morals lead to loss of tawfeeq


Sayyidi wa sanadi Mufti Mohammad Taqi Usmani (Allah protect and preserve him. Ameen!) instructed senior Mufti of Gilgit,

‘Be vigilant in protecting yourself from thoughts of self praise and arrogance. That is, I am a scholar, a Mufti, I am superior to others. Etc.

Remember that acting on blameworthy morals lead to diminishing facilitation (tawfeeq) of good deeds.

A real loss indeed.’

Office Darul Uloom Karachi, 30/4/1438: 29/1/2017, after zuhar

Instructions to a female regarding new dresses 

A female spiritual aspirant wrote, ‘Respected sir! I have a desire to wear good, crisp and clean clothes. Allah has bestowed the capacity to do so. Moreover my intention is make my husband happy and my husband also wants this. 

The problem is that whenever I see someone wearing good clothes I deeply desire to buy the same outfit. Most of the time I remain silent, however, occasionally I make a request (to my husband) and eventually get it. 

Sir, please, let me know if this is a spiritual ailment or not. And if it is, then please, prescribe a treatment for it. ‘

Hakim al Umma Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (Allah have mercy on him) replied,

‘There are levels of adornment.  The extremes are disliked and the moderate level is recommendable. 

The way of moderation in this matter is not to make similar clothes at that time. If with passage of time this desire slips away then it is well and good. If not, then when there is a need to make new dress get it. If it is unavailable (in the market now) then forget about it. However, if you feel (that by delaying the purchase) you will remain preoccupied by thinking about it then buy it but do not get it stitched. Save it till there is a need for a new dress. This will fulfill your desire without compromising the (household) finances. 

If your husband gives you pocket money in addition to the essential household running costs then add to the above regimen that you buy this dress from your own (pocket) money. This will keep the lowerself (nafs) within limits.’

Tarbiyet us Salik, volume 3, page 136

Anger: How to control it?

  1. ‘To use will power and determination to stop (display of anger)
  2. If one succumbs (and displays anger) then to repent and
  3.  Ask forgives (from the victim)
  4. To ponder before speaking on the evil and good results it will lead to
  5. To intentionally keep one’s tone mellow (at the time of feeling angry)
  6. To move away from the individual on whom one is feeling angry
  7. To supplicate for Allah’s protection
  8. To recall one’s own sinful actions (and feel ashamed for censuring another for some minor faults)
  9. To recall the possibility of wrath of Allah (on displaying anger) and His love of forgiving
  10. To recall that I am more disobedient of Allah and if similar display of anger is done with me what will I do.
  11. To recall that if I forgive than I will be also forgiven (by Allah)
  12. Drink water
  13. Make wudhu
  14. To become busy in some other activity
  15. To remember that even the display of anger to correct someone else is detrimental for a  novice (spiritual seeker)’

Tarbiyet us Salik, volume 2, page133

Sama’ a

Data Ganj Baksh Ali Hujwari writes about Khawaja Abu Ahmed Al Muzafer   (Allah have mercy on them) ,

‘On a very hot summer day I visited him in a unsettled state. He inquired, What do you desire? I replied, Sama’a (audition). He immediately called for the cantors (qawwal).

During the sama’a session I remained extremely agitated.  Eventually when I calmed down he inquired, How much did you enjoy this?  I replied, O Sheikh! Very much indeed. 

The Shaikh continued, A day will come when the sound of the sama’a and the cry of a crow will become same for you. The influence of sama’a is prior to witnessing the Reality (mushahida).  After mushahida the desire for sama’a will vanishes.

Kasheful mahjoob, p 100

Know your worth!

Shaikh Mirza Mazhar Jan-e-Janaa shaheed (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘An individual must be aware of his own real worth. This is necessary so that he is not elated by someone’s praise or disappointed by another’s criticism. 

The cause of an individual’s resentment and displeasure is most of the time being unaware of his own real worth and status. ‘

Meerza Mazhar Jan-e-Janaa aur unka Urdu kalam, p 163

Istekhara 

Sunni-tarash Shaikh Mirza Mazhar Jan-e-Jaana (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘It is essential for a salik to do istekhara prior to every important endeavor. If there is no time to pray two rakaat salah then just make the (sunna) supplication. The outcome will be the same.’

Ma’mulaat e Mazhariya p 292

Repentance: It is now!

A letter and it’s reply,

بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

Dear Sheikh,

The Incident involving crash of PIA including have left a grief and sorrow. 

I am not aware, how should I express my feelings but especially these death seems to be a shock and horror for me.

Moreover after the confirmation death news of brother Junaid Jamshed (Allah have mercy on him), it seemed to me an unbelievable fact.

His voice expressed the my emotions. 

The feelings of emotions are getting overwhelmed to me. 

Please advise and make dua for me.

Requesting dua’s for the people in the Incident involving crash of PIA.

Reply

Bismillah 

As salaamu alaykum wrwb 

JazakAllah 

Please remind yourself that this can happen to me also. That is, sudden death. Then analyze if I’m prepared for it or not?

If yes. Then accept congratulations. 

If not. Then ask yourself why and for what I’m waiting? 

Start now. 

Set up a well planned, organized and practical daily schedule in consultation with a spiritual mentor. 

May Allah have mercy on the departed ones and all of us. Ameen!

—————-

These moments of genuine sadness are very precious. One should utilize them by turning sincerely to Allah and making heartfelt supplications especially,for his/her own spiritual betterment.  

Not utilizing this saddens for turning to Allah usually results in depression and despair. May Allah save us all from these.  Ameen!

Moreover this is the message of brother Junaid Jamshed’s life. Repent now!

Khushu’ in salah

A disciple of Sufi Hameed ud Deen Nagori (Allah have mercy on him) approached him and complained about the overwhelming (thoughts) by Satan (Iblees). That is, he does not allow me to pray two units of salah without causing distress and excessive random thoughts. Please, instruct him not bother me. 

The Shaikh replied,

‘My son! 

He (Satan) came to me before you came. He was complaining about your condition. 

He told me to tell you to abandon the (involvement in unnecessary) worldly affairs.  Only then He will not bother you. Moreover he added that if you do not abandon this and continue to desire worldly involvements then you will have to pay as he did himself. That is with his Deen.’

Suroor as sudoor wa noor al badur (Urdu translation), page 323

Seclusion

Hakim al Umma Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (Allah have mercy on him) once mentioned:

‘Nowadays, salvation lies in keeping to oneself and associating less with people. (In this way, one will be able to concentrate on one’s self reformation and be safeguarded from the wrongs of association and company.) 

I came across the statement of a pious predecessor in a book wherein he stated that when remaining in seclusion, one should not make the intention that he is doing so in order to be saved from the harms of people. Rather, he should remind himself, “I am like a snake or scorpion that can harm people and therefore I should not associate with them in order to protect them from my harm.”

How cautious indeed were our predecessors and seniors in ensuring that they did not fall into self admiration and other similar sins! ‘

(Malfoozaat Husnul Azeez pg.116 Ihyaauddeen.co.za:Saying of the pious#110)

Dua e ‘Arifi for protection 

Arif-billah Dr Abdul Hayy Arifi (Allah have mercy on him) instructed,

‘It is best that after completing the daily morning recitations to supplicate, 

O Allah! bestow upon us Your blessings and Grace,

Save me and my family from all apparent and hidden troubles, from all obscene and prohibited actions, from all tricks of my lowerself (nafs) and the Devil (Shaytan), from all calamities and accidents, from all extreme hardships and diseases, from all adversities of fellow individuals and grant us Your protection. Ameen!’

Ma’amoolaat e Yoomia, page 24

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Hammad International airport, Doha