Category Archives: Q. Akabir

Wedding advice

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal (Allah have mercy on him) instructed his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3, Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odor. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favors. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Source: The Jamiatul Ulama Gauteng

Shaikh: Flattery doesn’t count

A spiritual seeker wrote that when he received the Shaikh’s reply he was overwhelmed with joy. An electric current ran through his body making him cry profusely. In this state of ecstasy he composed a poem praising the Shaikh. 

Shaikh Wasiullah Allahabadi (Allah have mercy on him) replied,

I was extremely happy to read your letter. May Allah make me as per the assumptions of people. Ameen!

From your letter I understood that maybe you have recognized (marifet) me (i.e. as a spiritual mentor). However, let me know wether you have achieved the marifet (gnosis) of the things I tell about this path (tareeq). This is because it is this that really counts. There are numerous individuals who display love (of Shaikh) but very few are cognizant (a’arif of the path). May Allah give you a generous share of this marifet. Ameen!

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The editor commented that this displays Shaikh’s approach to Islah.  The spiritual seeker is not reassured to be content that with verbose praise and flattering speech he may have fulfilled his obligations towards his spiritual mentor and the tareeq. Because most of the time this is  naf’s (lower self’s) snare and deception.  By involving the seeker in play of words it distracts him from real marifet

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This a very common mistake. Sometimes it leads to disaster for both Shaikh and the mureed. Shaikh develops ujub and mureed remains entangled in this poetry and praise, neglecting the real marifet

Moreover, in praising the Shaikh is a very big claim. It means that one himself is of such a great stature that he has recognized the qualities of the Shaikh. 

Greater Jihad?

Spiritual struggle, doing good and leaving the sinful esoteric and exoteric actions, has been alluded to as greater jihad (jihad e akbar) in classical Sufi texts. 

Irrespective of the debate of it being a Prophetic quote (Hadith).  Recently I came across a beautiful explanation. 

Shaikh Sayyid Shabbir Kakakhel (Allah preserve him) said that the greatness here is due to the time involved in it. The jihad (armed struggle) with an enemy is for a restricted period of time and eventually ends. Whereas, the spiritual struggle is a lifelong, daily constant squabble. It ends only with death.  

اندریں راہ می تراش و می خراش

تا دم آخر دمےفارغ مباش

JazakAllah 

Question 

Shaikh Wasiullah Allahabadi (Allah have mercy on him) wrote to a disciple ,

‘You are coming (to me) for so many days now, however, neither have you become involved in (religious) work as required nor have you developed the understanding as per my standards. The reason for this is not reading the essential books of Maulana (Ashraf Ali) Thanvi (Allah have mercy on him). Why is this so? This coming (to me) is just in vain or for religious betterment (Islah). 

The (religious/Islah) work starts after acquiring knowledge. What will an individual without knowledge do?

If you have understood something from this write it (back) to me’

Maktubaat e Islahi , wasiyet al Irfan, May 1995, page 19-20

Know your worth!

Shaikh Mirza Mazhar Jan-e-Janaa shaheed (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘An individual must be aware of his own real worth. This is necessary so that he is not elated by someone’s praise or disappointed by another’s criticism. 

The cause of an individual’s resentment and displeasure is most of the time being unaware of his own real worth and status. ‘

Meerza Mazhar Jan-e-Janaa aur unka Urdu kalam, p 163

Istekhara 

Sunni-tarash Shaikh Mirza Mazhar Jan-e-Jaana (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘It is essential for a salik to do istekhara prior to every important endeavor. If there is no time to pray two rakaat salah then just make the (sunna) supplication. The outcome will be the same.’

Ma’mulaat e Mazhariya p 292

Mercy of Allah: Sinner’s resort

Shah Wasiullah Allahabadi (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘The sinners are to an extent cognizant of the mercy of Allah. Whereas the pious worshippers do not even get a random thought of Allah’s mercy. They assume and focus that they will enter the Paradise by their own efforts. 

The poor sinner thinks what (efforts) do I have? I rely solely on the Mercy and the beneficence of Allah. And this (in realty) facilitates his dealing (with Allah). 

And the issue with the (self sufficient) pious becomes difficult.

Respected Haji (Imdadullah mohajir Makki, Allah have mercy on him) said,

ہے عبادت کا سہارا عابدوں کے واسطے

اور عصائے آہ مجھ بے دست و پا کے واسطے’

Majales Muleh al Ummat, volume 6, page 159

Khushu’ in salah

A disciple of Sufi Hameed ud Deen Nagori (Allah have mercy on him) approached him and complained about the overwhelming (thoughts) by Satan (Iblees). That is, he does not allow me to pray two units of salah without causing distress and excessive random thoughts. Please, instruct him not bother me. 

The Shaikh replied,

‘My son! 

He (Satan) came to me before you came. He was complaining about your condition. 

He told me to tell you to abandon the (involvement in unnecessary) worldly affairs.  Only then He will not bother you. Moreover he added that if you do not abandon this and continue to desire worldly involvements then you will have to pay as he did himself. That is with his Deen.’

Suroor as sudoor wa noor al badur (Urdu translation), page 323

Loneliness 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Ata Allah al Iskandari (Allah have mercy on him) said,

‘If your Master loves you, He turns your friends away from you, so that you no longer preoccupy yourself with them. And He severs your ties with creation so that you solely return to Him.’

The Refinement of Souls, page 32

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ID Week 2016, New Orleans 

Companionships to avoid 

Our master Shaykh Haji Imdadullah mohajir Makki (Allah have mercy on him) instructed,
‘Avoid the companionship of,

1. One who contravenes the ruling of Shariah. 

2. One who rejects Tasawwuf. 

3. Innovator (in Religious affairs ). 

4. A Sufi who opposes the Sunna:the way of Prophet (Allah bless him & grant him peace) even though he can perform supernatural feats others can’t do or even he is able to fly in the sky.’ 

Tahseel qasdus sabeel (Shah Lutuf Rasool rehmatullah aleh), page 46